J. Crew Hot Mess: Nili Lotan® Striped Bias-fly Jean

Phoro Courtesy of J.Crew.com

Sometimes trends come along that just leave you utterly puzzled.  The "bias-fly" trend is one of those.  I just have to ask....what kind of body would make this trend look good?  No matter your shape, the baggy drop-crotch draws attention where you don't want or need attention, and makes a person look like either a baseball player from the 1930s, or a colonial person wearing knickers.  You might as well accessorize these pants with a baseball glove and a bag of chew, or a tri-corner hat and buckled shoes.  Yes, ladies, all this can be yours for $235.00.  Buy them here.

Apparently I am not the only one skeptical of the "drop-crotch" trend -- apparently they make the rest of us look like we are wearing adult diapers.

And if you want to look like you decided to wear adult diapers and wander through Sherwood Forest, feel free to wear them in green:

What's Up With J. Crew? Santa's Elves called and they want their clothes back...

Photo Source: J.Crew Catalog, page 005

I have to admit...I'm not really sure what is up with J. Crew. J.Crew absolutely used to be my go to for basics and cute but chic workwear. And then something happened last spring, and hemlines rose so high, the skirts barely covered my bum, and the clothes just got so out there, I never would have pictured myself wearing anything. Then, after losing a whole bunch of money, I was reading that beginning with the Fall of 2011, J. Crew was going back to its roots.  Well, if this is J. Crew's roots, maybe they should aim somewhere else. I am starting to see the preppiness J. Crew was so known for, but the color combos and prints are just off so far. 

As far as the picture above, I can't even tell you how much I wish they used the navy striped sweater instead of the red one...the red and green just seems too Christmas-y, and the tight green jeans scream "Santa's Elf."  Even the weird t-straps on her flats scream "overly fussy" rather than the laid-back chic J. Crew was once known for.

I guess some of us are still waiting for the old J. Crew to come back...in the meantime, I'm happy to save the money I used to spend on J. Crew clothes.

The Dos and Don'ts of Maxi Skirts: J. Crew Edition

Okay, I really actually do adore the J. Crew Summer Stock Maxi Skirt pictured above .  But first, let's talk proportion. The poor chick frankly looks like a bag lady that happend upon a quality sweater in the trash bin.  If you go long and drapey on the bottom, then you need a more form-fitting top to show your shape.  If you pair baggy with baggy, you just look like a bag lady, and nobody wants that.  Now, this doesn't mean that you need something super-tight a la skank city.  Take the J. Crew Floral Chiffon Maxiskirt  pictued below.  The top is a bit more form fitting, allowing you to actually see more of the model's shape.  I probably would have gone even a tad bit more form fitting, but you get the point.  Now, don't even get me started on the color combo....

Seriously? J. Crew Denim Jumpsuit

Photo Source: J. Crew.com

I am pretty much speechless on this one. This J. Crew denim jumpsuit isn't even flattering on the model. I have no idea how on what planet J. Crew thinks this jumpsuit looks chic...and at $298 bucks, I have no idea who is lining up to fork out so much cash for one of these.  Granted, it's only $300 for an entire outfit...if you are trying to look like a clown or a prison inmate.  Yes, there is such a thing as too much denim...and this is an example.

Another J. Crew Hot Mess: The Disco Tartan Top

Photo Source: J. Crew.com

What my friend at work said about this top was absolutely hilarious, so I am just going to quote her verbatim -- this post goes out to her:

This is god awful and there is a reason why preppy and disco DO NOT MIX . . . I wouldn't buy this for $0.65 let alone $650! Even Lady Gaga wouldn't touch this and the woman wears meat! I don't know who is buying this, but apparently someone is . . . because they only have a size 4 and a size 6 left?! Who are these crazy people and let me show them better ways to spend their money!

But seriously, if you are looking for a cute sequin top, maybe try the the Sequin Slub Tee from Ann Taylor Loft (pictured below) instead -- at $36.50 (without a coupon) it is a major bargain!

 

Another J. Crew Hot Mess: J. Crew Ombré Mohair Coat

Photo Source: JCrew.com

Late last week J. Crew rolled out their new holiday arrivals, and the coat above caught my eye, but not in a good way.  Priced at $495, you too can look like your lumberjack coat sprouted fur!  J. Crew touts it as "A showstopper poised to become your next wardrobe star."  Its a showstopper alright...it looks like something that might have been given to you by an elderly relative, and that you begrudgingly pull out on holidays to keep up the ruse that you actually wear said article of clothing.

I'm not saying that all non-solid coats are horrendous, but there are reasons why certain coats are classics.  If you are looking for a pop of color in a more casual coat, try the J. Crew Ever Peacoat instead. At $225, less than half of the Ombré Mohair Coat, you'll actually wear this coat season after season, rather than wake up next fall and wonder what the heck you were thinking:

Photo Source: J.Crew.com

J. Crew Hot Messes: Crystal Bloom Necklace and Feather Duster Necklace

J. Crew Crystal Bloom Necklace

Every season there are items that J. Crew puts in its line up that just make you wonder what the heck their designers were thinking.  This season, I would like to nominate the J. Crew Crystal Bloom Necklace.  It frankly looks like an arts and crafts class gone horribly wrong. The necklace might have been saved if they hadn't added the chiffon petals to the crystal flowers.  And the funniest part about it is that J. Crew touts it as a "designer favorite"!!!

While we are at it, I just have to nominate the Feather Duster Necklace as well:

J. Crew Feather Duster Necklace

I think the name speaks for itself....it isn't as though I woke up today and said, "hmmmmmmm...I would like to wear a feather duster around my neck!!" Unless your significant other has some sort of french maid fetish, I think this is another piece I'll skip.

A piece I like?  The Apogee Necklace:

 J. Crew Apogee Necklace

Simple, architectural beauty defined -- and it would pretty much go with anything. It would dress up a day outfit, or make an evening outfit elegant.